We Could All Be Doomed!

Photo Credit: Tao WU via Flickr

“If we are only as strong as our weakest link, our species is utterly doomed…) Here is a collection of some of our country’s “smartest” criminals!

It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, “This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said “OK” and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

45-year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn’t realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes Officer..that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, “Look, I’m not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?”

I was in a car dealership a while ago when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in “Twister.” I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control, then went in back to make a sandwich.

In Nashville, they tell of Fred “Junior” Williams, the burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.  After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting out to give himself up.

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines.  The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account.

South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head — and realized that he’d forgotten to cut eye-holes in the mask.

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

Burglars in Larch Barrens, Md., tried to cut through a safe using a Laser Tag gun.

A man was arrested for stealing a car. When he was taken to court for his arraignment the judge asked, how do you plead? Instead of saying guilty or not guilty the man said: “Before we go any further, judge, let me explain why I stole the car.” The judge ruled in record time.

Some criminals are not too bright and here’s one to prove that: (at the time of booking)
Officer: What is your D.O.B.?
Criminal: What’s a D.O.B., man?
Officer: When’s your birthday?
Criminal: May 5th
Officer: What year?
Criminal: Every year, man.

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Sources: funny.com, laughbreak.com, badpets.net