Children Say the Funniest Things (Part 2)

woodleywonderworks

Photo Credit: WoodleyWonderWorks via CC Flickr

Welcome to the second installment of “Children Say the Funniest Things.” As I stated in my previous installment, “Children Say the Funniest Things Part One,” I am a Physical Education teacher and have taught children on all levels…from Kindergarten to college. It has always ben one of my favorite things about teaching and fatherhood to listen to what kids say in certain situations or give their answers to…what we as adults think…simple questions.

So, sit back, relax, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and maybe a snack…and get ready to enjoy a giggle, a chuckle, or a good laugh.

A four year old girl was drinking a cup of cold orange juice when she suddenly got the hiccups. “Don’t give me this juice again,” she said. “It makes my teeth cough.”

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A second-grade city school teacher decided to take her class on a trip to a farm. When they returned to school at the end of the day, she asked the children: “What were some of the sounds that you heard on your trip to the farm today?”

“Mooooo”

“Meow!!”

“Quack! Quack!”

“Baaaa!”

“Hey! Get off my tractor!!!”

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Five-year-old, Deana, asked her Granny how old she was. Her grandmother said that she was so old that she had forgotten her age.

“Well, then, Granny you have to look on the back of your underpants. Mine says five to six.”

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A nine-year-old daughter walked into her mother’s bedroom as she was getting ready for work.

“What are you doing?,” she asked.

“Putting on my wrinkle cream,” the mother answered.

“Oh,” she said, walking away. “I thought that they were natural.”

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Edith was a five-year-old and she had an earache. She knew where to find the painkillers but she couldn’t open the bottle. She brought the bottle to her mother, who explained that it was a childproof bottle that only adult could open. Eyes wide open with wonder, Edith said, “but how does it know it’s ME?”

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The mother of a three-year-old was surprised to hear him say, “yes, sir,” to her. She explained the “sir” was for men and “ma’ma” for women.

So, what would you say to Daddy?”

“Wes, sir.”

“Very good. And to Mama?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“ And to grandma?”

The little boy’s face lit up as he replied, “Can I have a cookie?”

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A six-year-old girl, Angela, returned home from school and told her mom that they had their first family planning lesson that day. Wondering what it could be about, her mother asks, “How did it go?”

“I was so ashamed!” said the little girl.

“Billy from across the street said that the stork brings babies.” Nancy, our next door neighbor, said that you can buy babies from the orphanage. Johnny said that his little sister was bought in a hospital.”

Laughing and giggling a little bit, her mom said, “But that’s no reason to be ashamed!”

“No, but I couldn’t tell them that we were so poor that you and Daddy had to make me yourselves!”

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A teacher gave her second grade class a lesson on the magnet and what it does. The next day, in a written test, she included the question, “My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up tings. What am I?”

When the test papers were turned in, almost half of the students answered the question with the word…”Mother.”

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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is a bride dressed in white?”

“Because it is the color of happiness,” explained her mother. “And today is the happiest day of her life!”

The child thought of it for a moment, then asked, “Why is the groom wearing black then?”

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Teacher: “How old is your father?”

Kid: “He is 6 years old.”

Teacher: “What? How is that possible?”

Kid: “He became a father only when I was born

**Logic: Children are quick and always speak their minds 🙂

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Teacher: “Maria, go to the map and find North America.”

Maria: “Here it is.”

Teacher: “Correct. Now class, who discovered America?”

Class: “Maria!”

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Teacher: “How do you spell ‘crocodile’?”

Tommy: “K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”

Teacher: “No, that’s wrong.”

Tommy: Maybe it is wrong…but you asked me how I spell it.”

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Teacher: “What is the chemical formula for water?”

Kevin: “H I J K L M N O.”

Teacher: “What are you talking about?”

Kevin: “Yesterday you said it was H to O>”

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Teacher: “Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?”

Clyde: “No sir. It’s the same dog.”

(I love this kid! I want to adopt him 🙂

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Last but not least….

Teacher: “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”

Franklin: “A Teacher.”

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I hope that you enjoyed these short stories. Look for the 3rd installment of  “Children Say the Funniest Things” sometime in the future.

If you have a funny story to share, please feel free to do so!!

Have a WONDERFUL day!

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The Joy of Changing A Life

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Photo Credit: August Brill via CC Flickr

The joy and satisfaction of making a life-long difference in a person’s life is an experience and accomplishment of untold fulfillment. I have been a teacher for more than 30 years and have had the opportunity to teach thousands of people. It is such a gratifying and rewarding sentiment when I see my “kids” grow up, go to college, and become successful men and women in their professions and families.

Personally, there is honestly one thing that I have always felt that has been satisfying more than this…and that would be the instances when I had the chance to encourage and support a “less fortunate” individual. Watching them gain confidence and self-esteem as they journeyed down the “road of life”, gives me an amazingly sense of accomplishment.

Today’s story is a tremendous illustration of times when we judge people wrongly, by their looks and actions…then, fortunately, open their eyes to their REAL situation . The following is a heartwarming, inspirational true story of such an instance.

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Mrs. Thompson stood in front of her fifth grade class on the first day of school and told a lie, a big lie.  As she welcomed the students, she said that she would treat them all the same.  But that was not true because there was one student she would not treat the same – his name was Teddy Stoddard.

The school district hired Ms. Thompson the year before and she couldn’t help but notice Teddy last year.  He was a known problem child with a lousy academic record. He didn’t play well with others; his clothes were a mess; he always looked like he needed a bath, and he had a bad attitude.  Consequently, Mrs. Thompson delighted in marking Teddy’s papers with a broad red pen and placing big bold ‘X’s on all his wrong answers.  She loved putting a large ‘F’ at the top of his papers so other students could see his grade when she handed them out.

School policy required that each teacher review the records of their students during the first week of December.  Mrs. Thompson held Teddy’s file off until last.  When she finally sat down to review his file, she was taken aback.  Teddy’s first grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is a bright child who does neat work and has excellent classroom manners. He is a joy to have in my class – I will miss him next year.”

His second grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is an above average student who is well liked by his classmates.  He has been having trouble lately because of his mother’s illness, and life at home has really been a struggle for him.”

His third grade teacher wrote, “His mother’s recent death has been very hard on Teddy.  He tries hard to do his best, but his father doesn’t show much interest and his home life is negatively affecting him.”

Teddy’s fourth grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is a withdrawn child who doesn’t show much interest in school.  He has few friends, often comes to class unprepared, and is frequently disruptive.”

Mrs. Thompson was now ashamed of her behavior. She felt even worse a few weeks later when her students brought in their Christmas presents for her.  All were wrapped in holiday paper and tied with ribbons except for one.  Teddy’s was clumsily wrapped in brown paper from an old grocery bag with no ribbon.  Mrs. Thompson opened Teddy’s present first.   Some children laughed when they saw a rhinestone bracelet with several stones missing and an old bottle of perfume only 1/4 full; but Mrs. Thompson quickly stifled their laughter by commenting on how beautiful the bracelet was as she put in on.  She then dabbed some perfume on each wrist, inhaled deeply and said it smells wonderful.

Before he left class that afternoon, Teddy walked up to Mrs. Thompson’s desk, slowly leaned in and said, “I just want you to know you smell just like my Mom use to.”  Then he ran out of the room.  When all the other students left, Mrs. Thompson cried at her desk. That was the day she vowed to quit teaching.  Never again would she teach reading, writing or arithmetic, instead she would start teaching children.

She began to pay attention to Teddy.  As she worked with him, his mind came alive.  The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded.  By the end of the school year, Teddy was one of the brightest students in her class.   Despite “her lie to treat all students the same,” it was obvious Teddy was her pet.  The following year, Teddy transferred to middle school and Mrs. Thompson never saw him again.

Towards the end of the next school year, Mrs. Thompson found a note under her door.  It was a note from Teddy telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Seven years passed before she received another note.  This time Teddy wrote he had just finished high school – third in his class – and that he would be going to college and that, by the way Mrs. Thompson, you are still the best teacher I ever had in my whole life.

Four more years went by when a letter from Teddy arrived explaining he had graduated from college and was planning on going to medical school in the fall and, by the way Mrs. Thompson, you are still the best teacher I ever had.

Several years passed before another letter arrived.  In this letter, Teddy stated he met a woman and they would be getting married in June.  He explained that his father died a few years earlier and he was wondering if she, Mrs. Thompson, would agree to sit in the place of honor reserved for the groom’s parents at the head table. This letter was signed Theodore J. Stoddard M.D.

Of course Mrs. Thomson agreed. She arrived at the plush wedding ceremony wearing an old rhinestone bracelet with several rhinestones missing and carried a scent of a perfume that Teddy once said reminded him of his mother.  Dr. Stoddard came forward and hugged her.  As he inhaled the fragrance of her perfume, he whispered in her ear, “Thank you Mrs. Thompson for making me feel important and thank you for making a difference in my life.” Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back, “No Teddy you have it wrong.  I need to thank you. You taught me. You taught me I could make a difference.”

Author Unknown

Things Kids Teach Us About Life

children

Photo Credit: USDA

Most of you who have been following my blog over the years, know that I am a Physical Education/Health teacher and a coach and have loved my job throughout the past 31 years. The one constant during those years have been the joy and excitement that I receive from my students. Their passion, zeal, and enthusiasm about life is contagious. This kind of positive atmosphere usually always uplifts my spirits, enlightens my soul, makes me smile. Every day of school is a new adventure..you never know what is going to happen…what will be said or what will be done by these young people. Usually, the younger they are, the funnier things happen.

So, it should be no surprise, that one of the things that I enjoy posting from time-to-time are some of the silly, hilarious, and downright goofy things that kids do…and sometimes teach us. Such is the case with today’s article. The following is a collection of some of these kinds of things. I hope that these bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your heart. Hey! You may even learn some things about ceiling fans today as well 🙂


Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence. …

Super glue is forever. …

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

DVD players do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. …

You probably do not want to know what that odor is. …

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department in Orlando, FL has an 8 minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. …

A 3 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. …

When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh”, it’s already too late. …

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. …

A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape….

It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room. …

You should not throw baseballs up in the air when the ceiling fan is on. …

When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.


Have an AWESOME Day!

Aspire to Inspire.

When Angels Speak

Photo Credit: Istolethetv via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Istolethetv via CC Flickr

There is something very special and unique when kind words are spoken to people who are struggling and dealing with hard times…but none more treasured, when they are spoken from an angel. The kinds of angel that I am talking about aren’t the kind that you may be thinking…the celestial, heavenly beings that thousands of stories and books have been written and told about. The variety of angels that I am referring to is the sweet, innocent creatures that we know as children. It truly is an amazing and heartwarming thing to observe the things and actions that a child may do to another person to encourage and help them.

 Children usually say and do things in such open and honest ways…more than most adults would do. Sometimes, I think that children have the wonderful ability to see others and the world in which they live, in ways that we adults struggle to see.

 Today’s story comes from a friend of mine who wrote the following story about her little son. I found it so heartwarming and delightful; I thought that it would be something that would be a good thing to share with you.

 I hope that this story will remind you of the wonder and magic words of the “angels.”

“I took the kids to Walmart this afternoon and while we were there, we passed an elderly couple in the aisle. Instead of walking past them, Michael stops and looks at the woman in the wheelchair and says, “Hi! I’m Michael. What’s your name?”. The woman smiled and said her name was Molly, We stood there for a few minutes longer while Michael and Molly talked, before I told him it was time to say good-bye. He very gently touched his fingers to the woman’s cheek, looked her in the eyes and said, “Molly, you’re my friend.”

It was one of those moments that I just don’t have the words for. The couple seemed genuinely touched by the whole thing and Michael left with the biggest smile on his face. This isn’t the first time he’s done something like this and I’m sure it won’t be the last, but it always catches me off guard. He has such a gentle and compassionate spirit, and always seems to know exactly when someone needs that small act of kindness.

Watching him, it reminds me to slow down, step out of my comfort zone, and look for those small ways to show love to someone. You may never know what that smile or small gesture means to someone else.”

Pictures That Speak Volumes #79: Sweetness

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Photo Credit: Unknown

There is absolutely nothing in the world heartwarming, precious and has the ability to bring a smile to a face than watching the innocent love and joy of a child and their pet. Just look at the enjoyment, contentment, and adoration of this little girl.

Simply…Priceless!

Pictures That Speak Volumes #78: The Cat’s Meow

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Photo Credit: Unknown

There is something really special and magical when small animals get together with little children. The result is usually simply adorable! Today’s picture is a perfect example of that sweet time of most of our lives, when we had the enjoyable time to love our pets and feel good about the world.

I am sure that you probably remember such a time…if so, leave a comment and share your experience with us!!

Why Teachers Are Heroes

Vicki Soto

Victoria Soto – An American Hero

I have been a teacher and a coach for 30 years. My mother was a teacher for more than 45 years and my wife, and now recently, my son, are teachers. It have always found it intriguing, personally as a teacher and coach, and by watching other educators, how possessive and protective that we can become with our students. The fact the we spend almost 8 hours a day with them, five days a week (or more), can lead teachers to have those kinds of relationships.

Therefore, it comes as no surprise to me, that when a calamity or a dangerous situation takes place, a teacher can become a fierce defender and protector of their charges…sometimes giving the ultimate sacrifice…their lives, for their students. That’s why, a story like the following one that I found on Oddee.com, touches my soul so deeply.

Aside form this, teachers can also have an effect on a young person’s life and their future, by the example that they demonstrate each day in their classroom or on the field. It’s the reason why, in my opinion, teachers will always be heroes.

“Like astronauts, every good teacher is a hero. It bears repeating that the tragedy of Sandy Hook Elementary should never be forgotten.

On December 14, 2012, 26 people – 20 students and 6 adult staff members – were shot and killed at Sandy Hook in Newtown, CT.

A 27-year old teacher, Victoria Soto, sacrificed her life when she hid her students in a closet to protect them from crazed gunman Adam Lanza. When Lanza entered her classroom, she told him that the students were in the gym. The terrified kids started running from the closet and Lanza began shooting. Soto threw herself in front of the children and was killed. The last moments of her life were spent protecting her young students by using her body as a shield against bullets from the deranged madman’s gun.

Principal Dawn Hochsprung and school psychologist Mary Sherlach sprung into action, but were killed when trying to keep Lanza from entering the building. Teacher Lauren Rousseau hid her students in the bathroom in her attempt to protect the children and also died while doing so.

District Superintendent Janet Robinson noted these and other “incredible acts of heroism” that “ultimately saved so many lives.””