Children Say the Funniest Things (Part 2)

woodleywonderworks

Photo Credit: WoodleyWonderWorks via CC Flickr

Welcome to the second installment of “Children Say the Funniest Things.” As I stated in my previous installment, “Children Say the Funniest Things Part One,” I am a Physical Education teacher and have taught children on all levels…from Kindergarten to college. It has always ben one of my favorite things about teaching and fatherhood to listen to what kids say in certain situations or give their answers to…what we as adults think…simple questions.

So, sit back, relax, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and maybe a snack…and get ready to enjoy a giggle, a chuckle, or a good laugh.

A four year old girl was drinking a cup of cold orange juice when she suddenly got the hiccups. “Don’t give me this juice again,” she said. “It makes my teeth cough.”

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A second-grade city school teacher decided to take her class on a trip to a farm. When they returned to school at the end of the day, she asked the children: “What were some of the sounds that you heard on your trip to the farm today?”

“Mooooo”

“Meow!!”

“Quack! Quack!”

“Baaaa!”

“Hey! Get off my tractor!!!”

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Five-year-old, Deana, asked her Granny how old she was. Her grandmother said that she was so old that she had forgotten her age.

“Well, then, Granny you have to look on the back of your underpants. Mine says five to six.”

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A nine-year-old daughter walked into her mother’s bedroom as she was getting ready for work.

“What are you doing?,” she asked.

“Putting on my wrinkle cream,” the mother answered.

“Oh,” she said, walking away. “I thought that they were natural.”

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Edith was a five-year-old and she had an earache. She knew where to find the painkillers but she couldn’t open the bottle. She brought the bottle to her mother, who explained that it was a childproof bottle that only adult could open. Eyes wide open with wonder, Edith said, “but how does it know it’s ME?”

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The mother of a three-year-old was surprised to hear him say, “yes, sir,” to her. She explained the “sir” was for men and “ma’ma” for women.

So, what would you say to Daddy?”

“Wes, sir.”

“Very good. And to Mama?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“ And to grandma?”

The little boy’s face lit up as he replied, “Can I have a cookie?”

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A six-year-old girl, Angela, returned home from school and told her mom that they had their first family planning lesson that day. Wondering what it could be about, her mother asks, “How did it go?”

“I was so ashamed!” said the little girl.

“Billy from across the street said that the stork brings babies.” Nancy, our next door neighbor, said that you can buy babies from the orphanage. Johnny said that his little sister was bought in a hospital.”

Laughing and giggling a little bit, her mom said, “But that’s no reason to be ashamed!”

“No, but I couldn’t tell them that we were so poor that you and Daddy had to make me yourselves!”

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A teacher gave her second grade class a lesson on the magnet and what it does. The next day, in a written test, she included the question, “My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up tings. What am I?”

When the test papers were turned in, almost half of the students answered the question with the word…”Mother.”

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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is a bride dressed in white?”

“Because it is the color of happiness,” explained her mother. “And today is the happiest day of her life!”

The child thought of it for a moment, then asked, “Why is the groom wearing black then?”

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Teacher: “How old is your father?”

Kid: “He is 6 years old.”

Teacher: “What? How is that possible?”

Kid: “He became a father only when I was born

**Logic: Children are quick and always speak their minds 🙂

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Teacher: “Maria, go to the map and find North America.”

Maria: “Here it is.”

Teacher: “Correct. Now class, who discovered America?”

Class: “Maria!”

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Teacher: “How do you spell ‘crocodile’?”

Tommy: “K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”

Teacher: “No, that’s wrong.”

Tommy: Maybe it is wrong…but you asked me how I spell it.”

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Teacher: “What is the chemical formula for water?”

Kevin: “H I J K L M N O.”

Teacher: “What are you talking about?”

Kevin: “Yesterday you said it was H to O>”

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Teacher: “Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?”

Clyde: “No sir. It’s the same dog.”

(I love this kid! I want to adopt him 🙂

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Last but not least….

Teacher: “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”

Franklin: “A Teacher.”

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I hope that you enjoyed these short stories. Look for the 3rd installment of  “Children Say the Funniest Things” sometime in the future.

If you have a funny story to share, please feel free to do so!!

Have a WONDERFUL day!

Finding Strength in Difficult Times: The Story of the Hero and the Coward

Arash Hashemi

Photo Credit: Arash Hashemi via Wikimedia Commons

We all experience difficult times throughout our lifetime. Some are more trying and problematic than others but through them all, we can learn from those experiences, either in a negative or a positive manner. Legendary NFL football coach, Bill Parcells, once told the following story (paraphrased a little) that illustrated the power of perseverance and determination of an athlete that experienced a grueling and challenging situation and emerged a winner because of it.

More than 30 years ago, there was a well-known, hard hitting boxer named Eugene “the Cyclone” Hart. Hart was heavily favored to win his next bout against a supposedly ungifted puncher, Vita Antuofermo. It was said that the only thing that Antuofermo could do was that “he bled well.” But, here’s the important thing, he had good attributes that you couldn’t see.”

During the fight, Hart dominated Antuofermo, knocking him all over the ring, giving him punishing blows and vicious punches. Antuofermo absorbed the punishment that was dealt to him by his naturally superior opponent, and he did it so well, that Hart became discouraged. In the fifth round, Hart began to tire, not physically but mentally. Taking advantage of the situation, Antuofermo attacked and delivered a series of quick punches that knocked Hart down and out, thus ending the fight.

“When the fighters went back to their makeshift locker rooms, only a thin curtain was between them. Hart’s room was quiet, but on the other side he could hear Antuofermo’s cornerman talking about who would take the fighter to the hospital. Finally he heard Antuofermo say, “every time he hit me with that left hook to the body, I was sure I was going to quit. After the second round, I thought if he hit me there again, I’d quit. I thought the same thing after the fourth round. Then he didn’t hit me no more.”

“At that moment, Hart began to weep. It was really soft at first. Then harder. He was crying because for the first time he understood that Antuofermo had felt the same way he had and worse. The only thing that separated the guy talking from the guy crying was what they had done. The coward and the hero had the same emotions. They’re both humans.”

The important question to ask yourself here is this: how did each man respond to the tough situation that they were experiencing? Maybe you are in an arduous position right now or, if not, one might be coming. How will you react? Like a hero or a coward?

The Real Heart of A Lion

Billy_Miske_portrait

Photo Credit: Wikimedia

Many of us struggle with a times of trouble or hardship during their lifetime. There are two directions that a person can go when they are experiencing a tough situation: they can either learn from it and become stronger because of what they have learned…or they can become negative, bitter and dwell on the quagmire of pessimism.

The people that make up their minds to overcome a bad situation by working hard and remaining focused on the task-at-hand, usually find themselves becoming a better, happier person despite of their unfortunate circumstance.

Thus is the story that I found recently on totalprosports.com that tells the tale of a successful boxer who competed almost 90 years ago. His story is a great reminder to us the importance of enjoying the things that you do and when unpleasant times come your way…you can overcome ANYTHING…if you put your mind to it!!


 

Billy Miske (1894-1924) was by all accounts one of the most under-appreciated boxers of his era. He had a record of 48-2-2, which included wins against some of the biggest names in boxing and losses to two champions. But it’s not Miske’s boxing prowess that makes his story inspirational. It’s his willingness and determination to make the ultimate sacrifice for his family.

You see, Miske was diagnosed with a terminal kidney disease by his doctor, given 5 years to live, and told to retire. However, because he knew his family was depending on him financially, he kept jumping the ring and told no one—not even his wife—about his illness. Eventually, after a one-round knockout loss to the great Jack Dempsey, he finally decided to call it quits. But just 11 months later, with his family struggling to get by, Miske somehow conned promotors into giving him a huge fight.

By this time, he could barely walk and thus could not train for the fight. Nevertheless, he entered the ring and knocked out his younger opponent in the 4th round. He took the $2,400 he earned to buy back furniture he hap pawned several years ago, as well as some toys for his kids and a piano for his wife. Then he died just a week later at the age of 29.

Think about that next time you complain about your job.

A Giggle for the Day: STRESS!

galeri12uludagsozlukcom

Photo Credit: galeri12.uludagsozluk.com

Everyone needs a little giggle every once in a while…especially under stressful situations. Some situations can cause a great deal of stress while people…who read about that situation can do nothing more than giggle when they read about the poor soul’s situation.

Such is the case of today’s “Giggle of the Day.”

You pick up a hitchhiker… A beautiful girl.
Suddenly, she faints inside your truck and
you take her to the hospital.
Now that’s stressful.

But at the hospital, they say she is pregnant and
congratulate you that you’re going to be a father.
You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.
This is getting very stressful!

You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.

After the tests are completed,
The doctor says the test shows you’re infertile,
And probably have been since birth.
You’re extremely stressed but relieved.

On your way back home, you think about your 5 kids at home.

A Beautiful Story of  911: God Bless Our Military

Instapinch

Photo Credit: Instapinch via CC Flickr

AFTER FLIGHT 77 hit the Pentagon on 9/11, the following incident occurred:

A chaplain, who happened to be assigned to the Pentagon, told of an incident that never made the news. A daycare facility inside the Pentagon had many children, including infants who were in  heavy cribs. The daycare supervisor, looking at all the children they needed to evacuate, was in a panic over what they could do. There were many children, mostly toddlers, as well as the infants that would need to be taken out with the cribs.

There was no time to try to bundle them into carriers and strollers. Just then a young Marine came running into the center and asked what they needed. After hearing what the center director was trying to do, he ran back out into the hallway and disappeared. The director thought, “Well, here we are, on our own.”

About 2 minutes later, that Marine returned with 40 other Marines in tow. Each of them grabbed a crib with a child, and the rest started gathering up toddlers. The director and her staff then helped them take all the children out of the center and down toward the park near the Potomac River.

Once they got about 3/4 of a mile outside the building, the Marines stopped in the park, and then did a fabulous thing – they formed a circle with the cribs, which were quite sturdy and heavy, like the covered wagons in the Old West. Inside this circle of cribs, they put the toddlers, to keep them from wandering off. Outside this circle were the 40 Marines, forming a perimeter around the children and waiting for instructions. There they remained until the parents could be notified and come get their children.

The chaplain then said, “I don’t think any of us saw nor heard of this on any of the news stories of the day. It was an incredible story of our men there.” There wasn’t a dry eye in the room. The thought of those Marines and what they did and how fast they reacted; could we expect any less from them? It was one of the most touching stories from the Pentagon.

It’s the Military, not the politicians that ensures our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. It’s the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag. If you care to offer the smallest token of recognition and appreciation for the military, please pass this on and pray for our men and women, who have served and are currently serving our country, and pray for those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for freedom.

A Heartwarming Story of Friendship: The Jesse Owens Story

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Photo Credit: Wikimedia

I decided that for the next few blog posts, which I am going to share some great stories of friendships that I have found. When you read this (and other forthcoming stories), try to envision yourself in the environment and situation that these people were experiencing at the time. Hopefully, it will give you a “feel” of how they felt and why their story of friendship is so special.

The 1936 Olympics was held in Berlin, Germany. Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party had risen to power three years earlier and were already to spread their evil beliefs of racism and hate.  Hitler believed that the “perfect” person was from an Aryan race…a blue-eyed, blond haired, the perfect physique without any blemishes or handicaps.

Hitler saw the Games as an opportunity to promote his government and ideals of racial supremacy to the world. The official Nazi party newspaper wrote in the strongest terms that Jews and Black people should not be allowed to participate in the Games. However, when threatened with a boycott of the Games by other nations, Hitler relented and allowed Black people and Jews to participate.

After much deliberation and debate whether or not to boycott the Olympics, the United States and other nations decided to participate in the Games.

One of the American athletes was a Track and Field star named Jesse Owens and he was black. Jesse Owens seemed sure to win the long jump at the 1936 games. The year before he had jumped 26 feet, 8 1/4 inches — a record that would stand for 25 years.

As he walked to the long-jump pit, however, Owens saw a tall, blue eyed, blond German taking practice jumps in the 26-foot range. Owens felt nervous. He was acutely aware of the Nazis’ desire to prove “Aryan superiority,” especially over blacks. At this point, the tall German introduced himself as Luz Long. “You should be able to qualify with your eyes closed!” he said to Owens, referring to his two jumps. For the next few moments the black son of a sharecropper and the white model of Nazi manhood chatted. Then, Long made a suggestion. Since the qualifying distance was only 23 feet, 5 1/2 inches, why not make a mark several inches before the takeoff board and jump from there, just to play it safe? Owens did and qualified easily. In the finals Owens set an Olympic record and earned the second of four gold medals.

The first person to congratulate him was Luz Long — in full view of Adolf Hitler. Hitler was furious and embarrassed. Owens never again saw Long, who was sent out to the front lines and was killed in World War II. “You could melt down all the medals and cups I have,” Owens later wrote, “and they wouldn’t be a platting on the 24-carat friendship I felt for Luz Long.”

~ David Wallechinsky in The Complete Book of the Olympics ~

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This is an amazing story of how a friendship trumped the hatred and racism of a nation and a crazy man’s ideology! How thankful are you of the friends that you have? Could your friendship(s) withstand the “storms” of life and the hard times that might come your way? How much can you go out of your way to be a friend to someone in unpleasant situations? REALLY good friends are hard to find…and if you have one…Be THANKFUL!

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“Prosperity begets friends, adversity proves them.”  ~ Unknown ~

The Lesson of the Black Spot

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Sometimes, simple illustrations teach us simple but important life lessons…..

One day a professor entered the classroom and asked his students to prepare for a surprise test. They waited anxiously at their desks for the test to begin. The professor handed out the question paper, with the text facing down as usual. Once he handed them all out, he asked his students to turn the page and begin. To everyone’s surprise, there were no questions….just a black dot in the center of the page. The professor seeing the expression on everyone’s face, told them the following:

“I want you to write what you see there.”

The students confused, got started on the inexplicable task.

At the end of the class, the professor took all the answer papers and started reading each one of them aloud in front of all the students. All of them with no exceptions, described the black dot, trying to explain its position in the middle of the sheet, etc. etc. etc. After all had been read, the classroom silent, the professor began to explain:

“I am not going to grade on you this, I just wanted to give you something to think about. No one wrote about the white part of the paper. Everyone focused on the black dot – and the same happens in our lives. We have a white paper to observe and enjoy, but we always focus on the dark spots. Our life is a gift given to us by God, with love and care, and we always have reasons to celebrate – nature renewing itself everyday, our friends around us, the job that provides our livelihood, the miracles we see everyday…….

However we insist on focusing only on the dark spots – the health issues that bother us, the lack of money, the complicated relationship with a family member, the disappointment with a friend etc

The dark spots are very small compared to everything we have in our lives, but they are the ones that pollute our minds.

Take your eyes away from the black spots in your life. Enjoy each one of your blessings, each moment that life gives you.

Be happy and live a life positively!