Children Say the Funniest Things (Part 2)

woodleywonderworks

Photo Credit: WoodleyWonderWorks via CC Flickr

Welcome to the second installment of “Children Say the Funniest Things.” As I stated in my previous installment, “Children Say the Funniest Things Part One,” I am a Physical Education teacher and have taught children on all levels…from Kindergarten to college. It has always ben one of my favorite things about teaching and fatherhood to listen to what kids say in certain situations or give their answers to…what we as adults think…simple questions.

So, sit back, relax, grab a cup of your favorite beverage and maybe a snack…and get ready to enjoy a giggle, a chuckle, or a good laugh.

A four year old girl was drinking a cup of cold orange juice when she suddenly got the hiccups. “Don’t give me this juice again,” she said. “It makes my teeth cough.”

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A second-grade city school teacher decided to take her class on a trip to a farm. When they returned to school at the end of the day, she asked the children: “What were some of the sounds that you heard on your trip to the farm today?”

“Mooooo”

“Meow!!”

“Quack! Quack!”

“Baaaa!”

“Hey! Get off my tractor!!!”

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Five-year-old, Deana, asked her Granny how old she was. Her grandmother said that she was so old that she had forgotten her age.

“Well, then, Granny you have to look on the back of your underpants. Mine says five to six.”

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A nine-year-old daughter walked into her mother’s bedroom as she was getting ready for work.

“What are you doing?,” she asked.

“Putting on my wrinkle cream,” the mother answered.

“Oh,” she said, walking away. “I thought that they were natural.”

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Edith was a five-year-old and she had an earache. She knew where to find the painkillers but she couldn’t open the bottle. She brought the bottle to her mother, who explained that it was a childproof bottle that only adult could open. Eyes wide open with wonder, Edith said, “but how does it know it’s ME?”

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The mother of a three-year-old was surprised to hear him say, “yes, sir,” to her. She explained the “sir” was for men and “ma’ma” for women.

So, what would you say to Daddy?”

“Wes, sir.”

“Very good. And to Mama?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“ And to grandma?”

The little boy’s face lit up as he replied, “Can I have a cookie?”

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A six-year-old girl, Angela, returned home from school and told her mom that they had their first family planning lesson that day. Wondering what it could be about, her mother asks, “How did it go?”

“I was so ashamed!” said the little girl.

“Billy from across the street said that the stork brings babies.” Nancy, our next door neighbor, said that you can buy babies from the orphanage. Johnny said that his little sister was bought in a hospital.”

Laughing and giggling a little bit, her mom said, “But that’s no reason to be ashamed!”

“No, but I couldn’t tell them that we were so poor that you and Daddy had to make me yourselves!”

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A teacher gave her second grade class a lesson on the magnet and what it does. The next day, in a written test, she included the question, “My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up tings. What am I?”

When the test papers were turned in, almost half of the students answered the question with the word…”Mother.”

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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is a bride dressed in white?”

“Because it is the color of happiness,” explained her mother. “And today is the happiest day of her life!”

The child thought of it for a moment, then asked, “Why is the groom wearing black then?”

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Teacher: “How old is your father?”

Kid: “He is 6 years old.”

Teacher: “What? How is that possible?”

Kid: “He became a father only when I was born

**Logic: Children are quick and always speak their minds 🙂

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Teacher: “Maria, go to the map and find North America.”

Maria: “Here it is.”

Teacher: “Correct. Now class, who discovered America?”

Class: “Maria!”

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Teacher: “How do you spell ‘crocodile’?”

Tommy: “K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”

Teacher: “No, that’s wrong.”

Tommy: Maybe it is wrong…but you asked me how I spell it.”

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Teacher: “What is the chemical formula for water?”

Kevin: “H I J K L M N O.”

Teacher: “What are you talking about?”

Kevin: “Yesterday you said it was H to O>”

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Teacher: “Clyde, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?”

Clyde: “No sir. It’s the same dog.”

(I love this kid! I want to adopt him 🙂

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Last but not least….

Teacher: “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”

Franklin: “A Teacher.”

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I hope that you enjoyed these short stories. Look for the 3rd installment of  “Children Say the Funniest Things” sometime in the future.

If you have a funny story to share, please feel free to do so!!

Have a WONDERFUL day!

Why Teachers Are Heroes

Vicki Soto

Victoria Soto – An American Hero

I have been a teacher and a coach for 30 years. My mother was a teacher for more than 45 years and my wife, and now recently, my son, are teachers. It have always found it intriguing, personally as a teacher and coach, and by watching other educators, how possessive and protective that we can become with our students. The fact the we spend almost 8 hours a day with them, five days a week (or more), can lead teachers to have those kinds of relationships.

Therefore, it comes as no surprise to me, that when a calamity or a dangerous situation takes place, a teacher can become a fierce defender and protector of their charges…sometimes giving the ultimate sacrifice…their lives, for their students. That’s why, a story like the following one that I found on Oddee.com, touches my soul so deeply.

Aside form this, teachers can also have an effect on a young person’s life and their future, by the example that they demonstrate each day in their classroom or on the field. It’s the reason why, in my opinion, teachers will always be heroes.

“Like astronauts, every good teacher is a hero. It bears repeating that the tragedy of Sandy Hook Elementary should never be forgotten.

On December 14, 2012, 26 people – 20 students and 6 adult staff members – were shot and killed at Sandy Hook in Newtown, CT.

A 27-year old teacher, Victoria Soto, sacrificed her life when she hid her students in a closet to protect them from crazed gunman Adam Lanza. When Lanza entered her classroom, she told him that the students were in the gym. The terrified kids started running from the closet and Lanza began shooting. Soto threw herself in front of the children and was killed. The last moments of her life were spent protecting her young students by using her body as a shield against bullets from the deranged madman’s gun.

Principal Dawn Hochsprung and school psychologist Mary Sherlach sprung into action, but were killed when trying to keep Lanza from entering the building. Teacher Lauren Rousseau hid her students in the bathroom in her attempt to protect the children and also died while doing so.

District Superintendent Janet Robinson noted these and other “incredible acts of heroism” that “ultimately saved so many lives.””

Some Silly Answers From Some Not-So-Bright Students

Photo Credit: Jirka Matousek via CC Flickr

Photo Credit: Jirka Matousek via CC Flickr

Being a teacher, I enjoy finding articles, lists or pictures and some funny and goofy things that students either say or do. That’s why, when I found the following list of 20 stupid things that students say or ask…I had to share them with you. I hope that they bring a little smile to your face and joy to your life!


1. “Why don’t the terrorist countries have to follow the constitution?”

2. “During WWI why were all of the women slaving away making shells for the war when they could have just gone to the beach and gotten them from there?”

3. “So all 435 representatives live in one house?”

4. Professor: so who can tell me about Pearl Harbor?

Girl: Oh. my. god. I love that movie.

5. “If we have weapons that can blow up the entire world, how come no one has used them?”

6. “If China is ahead of us by like a day, why didn’t they warn us about 9/11?”

7. “Hey do you know what day the professor hands out the textbook?”

8. “Sorry I’m late, would you mind starting over?”

9. Professor: What was the name of the Indian that helped guide Lewis and Clark?

Student: Sohcahtoa?

10. “Rice grows in fields? I thought it was made from chipped potatoes…”

11. “I have a note from my mom can I get an extension?”

12. Professor: You have 90 minutes for this exam.

Student: You told us we have an hour and a half!

13. In class we were discussing the hole in the ozone layer. Some girl blurts out “oh! That is the hole that the space shuttle flies through, right?”

14. We were discussing forest fires that were going on somewhere in the Midwest at the time, and a girl asked “How can the fires keep burning for more than one day? Do they start back up again every morning?”

15. English professor was collecting food and stuff to send to Japan after the tsunami, namely rice.

Girl raised her hand and asked if it was to soak up all the water.

16. Biology Professor: Look at the person sitting next to you. You share 99% of your DNA with them.

Student: Omg! Is that why you did the seating chart this way?

17. “Did Albert Einstein invent electricity? Or did he just discover it?”

18. “If a bear and a deer were the last things on earth, would they mate?”

19. During a lecture on greenhouse effects, a student raised their hand and asked “Why wouldn’t they just stop building greenhouses?!”

20. Freshman bio class, talking about DNA damage via free radicals and how some foods have antioxidants. Obnoxious super tan girl in front row: “So, like, how many blueberries should I eat if I, like, tan twice a week?”


Source: Tickld.com

Today is the Day to Burn Your Snowman!

Photo Credit: lssu.edu/snowman

Photo Credit: lssu.edu/snowman

Did you know that today, the first official day of Spring, is the official Snowman burning day? I found the following article from Lake Superior State University which details the events of this hallowed day!

Lake Superior State University continues its time-honored tradition of welcoming spring by burning a massive, paper snowman at high noon on the first day of Spring. Student Government barbecue hot dogs and serve them to the students and guests as part of the celebration.

History

The first spring snowman burning was held in March 1971 by the Unicorn Hunters, a former campus club. Traditionally it has been held on the first day of spring to bid good-bye to winter and welcome spring.

The burning takes its inspiration from the Rose Sunday Festival in Weinheim-an-der-Bergstrasse, Germany. In the festival, a parade passes through town to a central location, where the mayor makes a proposal to the town’s children. If the children are good, study, obey their parents and work hard, he will order the (straw) snowman to be burned, and spring will officially arrive. After the children yell their approval and make their promise, the snowman is burned.

Some people hold that rising smoke rising from the fire is supposed to ward off blizzards and usher in spring-like weather. The Unicorn Hunters capitalized on this theory during the second or third year of the event. At that time, after the snowman was burned, a blizzard passed through the eastern Upper Peninsula and northern Lower Peninsula but missed Sault Ste. Marie.

Snowmen

LSSU’s snowman has taken on many shapes over the years. During the 1970s, when women’s liberation was a news issue, a “snow person” was burned. In the 1980s, when clones and “cloning” were first in the news, a “snow clone” was torched. The Unicorn Hunters also burned a Snow Ayatollah Khomeni during the Iran hostage crisis. In the late 1980s, the snowmen began to take the form of a Lake State rival hockey team, usually whichever team the Lakers were playing that weekend. This was dropped after a few years when many complained that it brought bad luck to the team.

Snowmen are made out of wood, paper destined for the recycling bin, along with some straw, wire and some paint. They are usually husky and stand 10 to 12 feet tall.

Past Event Festivities

Poetry is usually a cornerstone event at snowman burnings, but participation varies every year. Students, faculty, staff, retirees, townspeople and elementary school children have all written poems for the snowman burning. Usually, the master of ceremonies welcomes the crowd and gives a history of the activity. Then, the poems, if there are any, are read while the snowman burns.

Several years ago, LSSU’s public relations office turned the poetry reading into a contest. A month or so before the first day of spring, an elementary class or two was singled out and asked to write poems for the snowman burning. The students were eager to participate. They submitted poems a week or two before the event, and they were judged. The top three were read by the emcee at the ceremony. Prizes were awarded. Poets or would-be poets were given the chance to read their own works or have the emcee read them.

From introduction to conclusion, the ceremony lasts approximately 15 minutes.

Year Without Snowman Burning

The University never knew just how many people enjoyed and followed snowman burning until the event was cancelled in 1992 due to environmental concerns. A student group, the Environmental Awareness Club, protested that many toxins are released into the atmosphere when a snowman burns. While this may be true, the University pointed out that its students and staff put many more contaminants in the air just by driving to school on any given day.

The Environmental Awareness Club’s concerns were brought to light the day before the event was to occur, and the PR office abruptly canceled that year’s burning, saying that the event is supposed to be light-hearted and fun, and they didn’t want it to take on a negative tone. The PR Office suggested that employees and students leave their cars at home and walk to campus on that day to offset any environmental damage the burning snowman may have caused over the years.

On the day of the cancelled event, reporters called as expected, but so did many local residents, business people and city politicians, who were furious. It was the topic of conversation for weeks (and it still comes up!) and many students and radio personalities vowed to continued the 22-year tradition. A North Dakota radio station put organizers of the snowman burning on the air live during a call-in show. Every listener who called said he/she would vote to continue the tradition.

Radio, TV and newspaper reporters turned out on the day of the event to interview students on campus. Students gathered where the event was supposed to have occurred. They read poetry, passed out daffodils and called for the snowman to be burned.

Needless to say, the tradition was resumed the following year.

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Source: http://www.lssu.edu/snowman/

Video

An Amazing Man’s Invention That Changed the World

Every night in November through March, if you turn on the television you’ll see this man’s invention. It changed everything for thousands of people all over the world and it dramatically changed an industry but not many people know his name. Don’t worry about him though…he has everything that he needs.

Shirley and Marcy

Photo Credit: publicdomainpictures.net

Photo Credit: publicdomainpictures.net

A mother was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn’t want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn’t notice her. She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.

The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew. She did this for the whole week.

As the two kids walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy ‘s little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, ‘Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?’

Timmy nonchalantly replied, ‘Yeah, I know who she is.’

The little girl said, ‘Well, who is she?’

‘That’s just Shirley Goodnest, ‘Timmy replied, ‘and her daughter Marcy.’

‘Shirley Goodnest? Who is she and why is she following us?

‘Well,’ Timmy explained, ‘every night my Mum makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, ‘cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, ‘ Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life’, so I guess I’ll just have to get used to it!’

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace.


May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always

I know you smiled!

I sure did.

Funny School “Excuse Notes”

Photo Credit: Labpluto123 via Wikimedia Commons

Photo Credit: Labpluto123 via Wikimedia Commons

The following is a list of some funny “Excuse” notes that students have given to their teachers. Enjoy the list and the smiles that it may bring you. (The sad thing is….some of them were written and spelled by parents!)

Please exkuce Pam for being absent from skool.  She was sick and I had her shot.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

Please excuse Eddie for being.  It was his father’s fault.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs.

Bethany could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Ray was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Mary-Ann was absent October 8-11, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday.  We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Dear School:
Please exscuse Cecil being absent on June 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

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Have an Awesome day and SMILE!!