Some Smiles For St. Patrick’s Day

Photo Credit: earl53 via morguefile.com

Photo Credit: earl53 via morguefile.com

Everyone needs a laugh to help brighten your day…especially Mondays. So, with that in mind AND the fact that it is St. Patrick ’s Day, I decided to leave you some silly St. Patrick Day jokes. I hope they make your day a little easier to get through!

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.

What’s Irish and stays out all night? Paddy O’furniture!

What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick’s Day? BOO’s

Why don’t women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day? ‘Cause they don’t want to get a “sham rock”.

——————–

Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. “Say,” he said to the bartender, “how tall is a penguin?”

“About two and a half feet.”

“Thank God!” cried Monahan. “I thought I ran over a nun!”

——————-

Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They say down on a bench to rest. They overheard voices coming from a secluded spot. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realized that a young man was about to propose.

Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment, she nudged her husband and whispered, “Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them.”

Murphy said, “Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me.”

——————

Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. Dugan said, “I have an idea about how to stop him from spending so much time at the pub. Every night he comes home through the cemetery. One night you should get disguised and spook him when he comes staggering through.”

So Mrs. Riley waited in the cemetery one night until she heard her husband coming. She jumped up and a startled Riley said, “Who are you??”

Mrs. Riley replied, “I am the devil!”

With that, Riley shook her hand and said, “Glad to meet ya, I’m married to your sister.”

—————–

A group of Americans was touring Ireland.
One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining.
The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible.
It’s too hot. It’s too cold. The accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
“Good luck will be followin’ ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,”the guide said.
“Unfortunately, it’s being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it.
Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.”
“We can’t be here tomorrow,” the nasty woman shouted.
“We have some other boring tour to go on.
So I guess we can’t kiss the stupid stone.”
“Well now,” the guide said, “it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you’ll have the same good fortune.”
“And I suppose you’ve kissed the stone,” the woman scoffed.
“No, ma’am,” the frustrated guide said, “but I’ve sat on it.”

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A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.
“Father, forgive me for I have Thinned.”
“You’ve Thinnned?”
“Yes, I went out with me boyfriend Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times.”

“Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down.”

“Will that wash away me Thin?”

“No, but it will get the silly smile off your face.”

—————-

Knock, Knock

Who’s there?

Irish!

Irish Who?

Irish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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Sources:

ahajokes.com / jokes4us.com / beaverislandreality.com

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